The following
entry is the “Appendix” of my just-completed book, entitled, FOOL’S PARADISE, a
companion volume to THE POST-HUMAN
SOCIETY. It is posted here to add a sense
of humor to my web site that is entirely lacking in levity. JH
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The American Waste Index
From FOOL’S PARADISE by Jon Huer
Since we are this far along on our sociological adventure on amusement in America, let’s take one step further and consider how much waste is embedded in some of the more common activities we undertake in American life today. We can call this the American Waste Index. The idea is that the more a particular activity is associated with amusement in one form or another, the greater is its waste value. So, for example, reading a bestselling novel would get the rating of 99 percent, which means 99 percent is wasted when we read a bestselling novel. Conversely, if the AWI says 5--such as talking to our children aged 0-5--that means it is 95 percent useful or 5 percent wasteful.
Here are some of our more common activities as measured by the American Waste Index:
RECOMMENDED INDEX:
95-100=“TOTAL
WASTE”
50=“AVERAGE USE-WASTE”
5=”NO WASTE”
WATCHING
TV:
“Oprah Show” 99 (on AWI)
“60 Minutes” 95
Disney Channel 90
“Animal Planet” Channel 50
“Discovery” Channel 50
Evening News:
If anchorman is well-known 90
If anchorman is not well-known 80
If it is on Fox channel 95
Sit-Coms:
If original showing 95
If re-runs 85
If from BBC 50
Soaps 99
Political Analyses 90
Made-for-TV Movies 99
Commercial Ads on TV 100
Sports Programs 98
TV to Sleep On 20
Jay Leno:
The whole show 90
Just the Monologue 50
Political Debates 95
“State of the
Televangelists 99
Reports on War (anywhere) 90
Debates on War by Experts 95
Street Protests:
If by whites 90
If by Jews 50
If by blacks 30
Anything from “Bestseller” List 99
“Major” Newspapers 80
Local Papers 90
Tabloids 80
Technical
Magazines 80
Magazines:
Readers Digest 99
TIME magazine 90
NEWSWEEK magazine 85
Books:
If written within last 10 years 95
If written within last 30 years 80
If written 50 years ago 70
If written 100 years ago 60
If written 1,000 years ago 30
If written 2,000 years ago 15
If written 2,500 years ago 10
If biography on celebrities or CEOs 99
If biography on modern presidents 95
If biography on historical figures 60
If designated as “Classic” by librarian 20
If designated as “Modern Classic” by librarian 40
If designated as “Family Classic” by librarian 30
If designated as “European Classic” by librarian 15
If designated as “American Classic” by librarian:
If Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” 10
If Hemingway (except “The Old Man and the Sea”)60
If Steinbeck (all) 20
If Margaret Mitchell (including sequels) 90
If Stephen Crane or Edgar Allan Poe 25
The Bible:
New Testament (except Book of Revelation) 5
Book of Revelation (NT) 50
Old Testament: 10
Wisdom Literature 5
Prophecies 10
All Books in the Bible (for Non-Christians) 20
Poetry: If written by oneself 10
If written by Dante or Milton 10
If written by Shelly, Donne, Blake, Browning, Keats, Burns 50
If written by today’s poets 90
LISTENING
TO MUSIC:
Easy-listening Pop Music 90
Rock (any variety, except 60’s protest rock) 99
60’s Protest Rock 70
All Love-Songs 95
Hip-Hop:
If conventional 99
If protesting racism or police brutality 60
Classical Music:
If Bach or Handel or Vivaldi (Baroque composers) 60
If Mozart or Hyden (Classic composers) 50
If Beethoven:
If Early Beethoven 50
If Middle Beethoven 20
If Late Beethoven 10
If “Eroica” Symphony 15
If Late Quartets 10
If “Missa Solemnis” 5
If Schubert or Brahms (all) 30
If Mahler (all) 25
If Tchaikofsky or Wagner (all) 70
Civil War Songs (all) 50
If “Lorena” 30
THINKING:
About Yourself (in general) 90
About your physical state 85
About your mental state 80
About your spiritual state 30
About your Family 80
About Your Spouse (or Girlfriend/Boyfriend) 70
About Your Neighbors 65
About Your Community 60
About Your Society 30
About Your Nation 25
About the World 20
About Entire Humanity 15
Thinking about “Great Issues” 10
Thinking with “Great Thinkers” 5
Thinking about Nothing in Particular 50
TALKING
TO PEOPLE (without specific function):
Your Boss in and out of Office 95
Your Colleagues in and out of Office 80
Your Neighbors 50
Your Spouse 40
Your Children:
If over 20 60
If they are between 15-20 30
If they are between 10-15 20
If they are between 5-10 10
If they are between 0-5 5
HAVING
SEX:
On First Date 90
If Helped by “Viagra” :
For men 90
For their partners 80
As “Recreational” Activity:
For men 80
For women 70
As Part of Love 20
For Reproduction Only 5
SHOPPING:
Groceries 20
At Mall:
If with a shopping list 60
If without a shopping list 85
If shopping for birthdays 95
If Shopping for Computer Games 99
GOING
TO A MUSEUM:
Viewing Artworks:
If classic 80
If contemporary 85
If abstract 90
Viewing History or Nature Exhibitions 60
STROLLING
AT A PARK:
Alone (voluntarily) 40
With Children:
If they are under 10 years of age 10
If they are between 10-15 20
With a “Significant Other” 30
WATCHING
A MOVIE:
Blockbuster-Category Movies 90
So-Called “Classics” (One of the following titles or those considered “great motion pictures” by your librarian. (“ov” refers to “old version” and “nv” to “new version” when two or more versions exist) In random order: Roman Holiday; the Paths of Glory; Shane; A Place in the Sun; Sister Carrie; Pat Garret and Billy the Kid; the Wild Bunch; Lawrence of Arabia; the Bridge on the River Kwai; Zulu; Porkchop Hill;, The Ox-Bow Incident; the Guns of Navarone; Ben-Hur (ov); In pursuit of Honor; the Horse Soldiers; the Trial at Nuremburg (ov); On the Beach (ov); Angela’s Ashes; the Searchers; Diary of Anne Frank (ov); Gentlemen’s Agreement; the Defiant Ones; Fail Safe (ov, nv); the Grapes of Wrath; the Long Grey Line.
20
GOING
TO OPERA:
All Operas 80
“Fedelio” by Beethoven 30
CELEBRATING
NATIONAL HOLIDAYS:
New Year’s Day 90
Super Bowl Day 99
Lenten Season 60
Independence Day 80
Thanksgiving Day (if memorable for some reason) 85
Thanksgiving Day (if typical) 95
Eating left-over turkey:
If alone 35
If with family 20
Christmas:
Gift-giving and getting 90
Gift-making for family and friends 50
Going to Christmas Parties 90
Caroling 70
Reading the New Testament 10
TAKING VACATIONS:
Going to Beach 90
Visiting Disney World with family 85
Visiting Other Amusement Parks 80
Doing Nothing during Vacation 10
Going Camping with Family:
If at a regular camp site 50
If at a primitive camp site 30
If children are involved 10
EATING
OUT:
From a Menu 70
At a Buffet 90
At a Fast-Food Restaurant 80
LEARNING
TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT:
Drum 90
Guitar 80
Piano 60
Violin 20
COMMITING A CRIME:
Robbing at a Gun-Point 95
Embezzling 80
Mugging:
With a weapon 85
Without a weapon 50
Pick-pocketing 20
EXERCISING:
For a Good-Looking Body 90
As a Communal Activity 50
For Health or Diet Reasons 40
Under Doctor’s Orders 30
WORKING:
For Economic Survival 5
For Comfortable Living 20
For Convenient Living 30
For Extra Money 90
JOINING
THE MILITARY:
Because You Like War 95
For Patriotic Reasons 90
For Good-Looking Uniforms 40
For a Secure Job 30
For Socialist Life-Style in the Military 20
FINDING
A NEW LINE OF WORK:
Corporate Job 95
Working at Non-Profit Organization 90
Lawyer (all) 85
Tax Law 99
Criminal Law 95
Teaching at Law School 60
Constitutional Law 50
Unpaid Worker for the Republican Party 90
Public Sector (Government) Job 85
Professor at a University or College 60
Doctor (all) 50
Plastic
Surgery (if in
Plastic Surgery (elsewhere) 95
Reconstructive Plastic Surgery 10
Psychiatry 90
Public Health 60
Teaching and Research 50
Military Doctors 30
Missionary Doctor (overseas) 20
School Teacher (all) 45
School Teacher (in inner-city area) 30
Park Ranger or Naturalist 30
Unpaid Worker for the Democratic Party 20
Unemployed Artist 15
Unemployed Poet 10
Buddhist, Catholic Monk or Nun 5
ATTENDING
COLLEGE:
For a B.A. 70
For an M.A. 80
For a Ph.D. 90
For no Specific Purpose 10
PRAISING
(IN PUBLIC):
Yourself 99
Your Income 95
Your Job or Your Organization 95
Your Physical Strength or Appearance 95
Your Academic Degree 95
Your Country 95
Your Spouse 90
Your Children 85
Your Enemy (if dead) 20
Your Ex-Spouse 15
Your Enemy (if alive) 10
Strangers Who Were Kind to You Years Ago 5
Someone’s Ugly, Stupid Kids 5
BROWSING
THE INTERNET:
Chatting with a Stranger 99
Without Looking for Specific Information 95
Just To Communicate with Someone by E-mail 85
Looking for Specific Information 50
Chatting with an Old Friend 20
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Readers are encouraged to try to come up with their own list of things they do and try to calculate the Waste Index for each activity. The Waste Index-value in each activity, of course, is to be measured by its proximity to entertainment or amusement, or conversely, its distance from any entertainment value as discussed above.
(END OF AMERICAN WASTE INDEX.
FOOL’S